LifePaths’ blog is moving to a new web address. I’ve incorporated the blog in with my main website. All of the same content that is here has been moved, and from here on out, new information will go on the new blog. You can find it at:
http://www.lifepathscounseling.com/blog
If you are a subscriber here or just came here to subscribe, I hope you will follow the link and subscribe at the new location!
Thanks,
Catherine
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/your-life/2013/09/the-newest-face-of-trauma-female-veterans/
(photo shared from article at link above)
PsychCentral posts a number of great articles but this one (link above) caught my eye today. The article cites some startling statistics on sexual assault against women in the military. What really got me though is that the young woman portrayed in the article saw horrific things while deployed in Afghanistan, was in a vehicle that was struck by an IED, but the trauma that was most difficult for her was the sexual assault by her commanding officer that she couldn’t talk about. She felt she couldn’t talk about this because of an enduring atmosphere in the military that blames the victim and discourages reporting.
This is sad of course, and I know officially the military is trying to change this. A social problem as big as this often feels hopeless and it leaves you wishing you could do something while you also believe that nothing you do will make a difference.
I’m really going to ask the question though anyway. What could you do? I’m interested in your thoughts on this but I’m also going to add a few ideas as well.
If you are a counselor like me, you could sign up to provide pro bono therapy at http://www.giveanhour.org. Check them out, they are a great organization. As a counselor, this may give you an opportunity to make a difference, one person at a time. It may be someone who was the victim of a sexual assault. It may even be a perpetrator, consumed by guilt or shame.
Any of us could make a difference – one person at a time.
One “thank you” to a veteran or person active in the military.
One moment when you can vocalize support in some way for victims of sexual assault in the military to speak out.
One offer of support to someone you know who is or has been in the military, whatever that support may be…a listening ear, an acknowledgment of a job well done, or ??
by Catherine Wilson MA LPC NCC
LifePaths Counseling
http://www.lifepathscounseling.com
303-801-7878
cw@lifepathscounseling.com
If you’ve never been in a group for counseling, you may be wondering what it would be like and if it would be helpful to you. Group counseling can be a great benefit for many reasons.
Support from others with the same goals. Groups are usually centered on a specific issue such as self-improvement, grief, depression or anxiety. When you work on an issue that is challenging you with a group, you are not only working with a skilled counselor but also with others who want to improve their lives in the same way. You are all working towards the same goals and offer support to each other. Group members often feel that the compassion and empathy they feel from others in their group carries a lot of weight because it comes from people who really know what dealing with that issue really means.
There are multiple perspectives to learn from. The others in the group are often at different stages in their work – this brings in the perspectives of people who have been where you are, allowing you to learn from what worked for them or didn’t. You may also be further along than others, allowing you to share what has worked for you and reminding you of how far you have come in your own work.
You help others, too. Group members will often feel a sense of satisfaction from being able to help others as well as feeling helped.
Lower cost than individual counseling. Group counseling usually is a lower fee than individual counseling, making it easier to afford this type of counseling, and allowing you to possibly participate longer than you would have otherwise.
You might have some concerns about being in a group for counseling. A common concern is that it will be difficult to talk and share information with a bunch of strangers. I have noticed that it doesn’t take long before you realize that each person in a group is searching for ways of coping with the same type of things you are and it doesn’t take long before the group is talking about sharing with ease. The process of giving and receiving acceptance from others overshadows this concern within a short time.
A second common concern is the time commitment. Groups are often set up on a specific day and time and you are expected to participate in a minimum number of sessions if you join. You can always search for groups of a relatively short duration (we run groups that are six week commitments) for the topic you are interested in. You also may simply go ahead and join – group members often find that the structure and expectation of a group is helpful, and that the commitment to self growth actually fuels a sense of accomplishment and self esteem.
A topic of interest may already be on your mind, or you may be searching for a general self improvement group. Searching for a group through http://www.meetup.com, or with a Google search may be one of your first steps. If you are in the Denver area, sometimes groups will be posted on the events page at The Denver Post. And if you do have a specific topic in mind, you may find websites that deal with that topic, that list groups in geographic areas for you to choose from.
If you’ve been able to find groups at a specific site, feel free to leave a comment and let others know how to find it. I’d also be interested to hear of specific groups or any thoughts you have about groups in general.
Tips for Parents of College-Aged Children
I just ran across this succinct and valuable set of tips for parents who are struggling with “letting go” when their children go to college. It is tough to make this transition – I hope the ideas she shares are helpful!
We have all heard this over and over – from friends, family, on television, in ads, and more. People struggle to lose weight and maintain a healthy weight. They have the science of it down – and it’s as simple as can be for most people – eat less, exercise more. And yet, the extra pounds stay or they come back much too soon.
What is often missing is important changes in our mental state, whether that is our thoughts, our beliefs, or our emotional patterns.
You have some choices on how to approach this. Many people approach it from a self-help perspective and read books or get advice from others. Sometimes a person uses a particular diet or treatment. One thing you may not have thought of though, is to add counseling to these other methods to help achieve your weight management goals.
I’m not talking about nutritional counseling, which is greatly beneficial and a valuable part of any weight management plan. Many diet, weight loss and wellness centers have a nutritional counselor available and learning from this person helps you to understand the science of weight loss and weight management. It is information you need to succeed. In this article I’m actually talking about getting to the heart of what is holding you back. Working with a counselor can help you uncover what is blocking you from reaching your goals and learn ways to overcome it. This also gives you information you need to help yourself succeed at managing your weight for the rest of your life.
You may be wondering what kind of things you would talk about with a counselor when you are trying to lose weight. Let’s talk about this in terms of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions as I mentioned above.
Thoughts: Discovering our common negative thoughts or distorted thought patterns can help change perspective in a healthy way. For instance, if you have a tendency towards using “all or nothing” thinking, you might chastise yourself after a small break from your weight loss strategy by saying to yourself, “I am NEVER going to lose the weight I want!” A more realistic and healthy way of talking to yourself is to say, “Okay, it was just one slip and it doesn’t mean I have completely derailed my strategy, I will do a little better tomorrow.”
Beliefs: It is a very unfortunate part of human nature that we tend to more easily believe negative thoughts, and the negative opinions of others, than we do the positive ones. It is as if negative thoughts are on a superhighway right to our core beliefs. Positive thoughts take a lot more effort to instill as beliefs about the self. The power our beliefs have is amazing.
Emotions: This one packs a lot of punch. Emotions sabotage our best efforts at weight loss in many ways. The term “emotional eating” is often used, and it describes the way we often eat because we are bored, angry, frustrated, lonely, sad, or any of the other uncomfortable feelings. It is very easy to get into a pattern of not being aware of whether you’re even hungry, and yet eating something – anything! – to soothe the discomfort you are feeling emotionally.
A counselor can help you discover where emotions, thoughts or beliefs may be blocking your weight loss goals. Working with a counselor can also help you stay motivated, provide someone to be accountable to, and he or she can also provide a compassionate and non-judgmental place for you to explore options that will work best for you.
Working with a counselor might also include talking about the following ideas:
Coping skills and self-care – Learning coping skills and self care are particularly important to combat emotional eating. We have a self-care handout on our website at http://www.littletonweightlosscounseling.com which may help you find ideas for self care that appeal to you.
Self-control – Learning self-control may be an area that could use some work, too. First take some time for introspection…which areas of your life are working well, and which are not? Can you identify differences that may be important – for instance if you can identify what helps you maintain self control in getting work done in your career, can you apply some of that to your weight loss efforts? You can ask others what works for them in areas that you struggle with. You can also try to gradually increase your ability to maintain self-control in difficult areas for you, a little at a time.
Other types of therapy/counseling – You may be a candidate for alternative types of counseling. Not every type of therapy works for every person, and there are many options. For instance, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) has traditionally been used for trauma recovery such as with military veterans but in recent years the use of this type of therapy has been expanded to many other uses. Our counselors sometimes use a type of EMDR called Performance Enhancement to take a person to a higher achievement level in reaching their goals, whatever those goals may be. Another option may be engaging in a group for weight loss counseling, or a general self-improvement group.
Self-esteem – One area that is closely tied to thoughts, beliefs and emotions is self-esteem, and this alone has a powerful effect on a person, often in many areas of life. If you decide to work on self-esteem in counseling, you may find that this alone changes your outlook on weight loss and weight management, while also improving your sense of self-worth and self-confidence.
Any of these ideas may become a part of counseling for you. Your situation is unique
Catherine Wilson, LPC
LifePaths Counseling
I ran across a YouTube video the other day about building self-confidence. I love TED talks – they are usually about 15-20 minutes and are delivered by speakers who are considered an authority on the topic they are discussing. Dr. Ivan Joseph makes a couple of great points in this talk. One of these is that repetition is necessary to build self-confidence. No one just decides one day to have it, you have to practice and take steps to create it. It is a skill! The second is that self-talk is extremely important. You need to make a conscious effort to eliminate negative self-talk and create more positive self-talk for yourself.
I hope you enjoy it too!
LifePaths has just begun offering group counseling on several topics. You can find more information at our website, and the current groups starting in June are focused on:
Self Improvement
Goddesses in Every Woman
Soul Image Renovation
Domestic Violence Recovery
More information at: http://www.lifepathscounseling.com/groupcounseling.html
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If someone asked you to list some of your strengths as a person, would you be able to come up with a few? Any? This is a question that tends to be difficult to answer for a lot of people. Often it is much easier to identify negative qualities rather than the positive.
This might simply mean that you are a modest person and it is uncomfortable to put a lot of focus on your strengths. Perhaps you feel that it isn’t attractive for a person to boast, and that this comes too close to feeling like you are boasting. And maybe it reveals low self-esteem. No matter what the reason, it can be helpful–and interesting–to explore your own strengths and think about how they may have come about. This can help build self-esteem, or if nothing else it might help you in your next job interview!
One way to identify and appreciate your own good qualities is to take the questionnaire I am about to describe. It can be found at http://www.authentichappiness.com. Once you are at the site and you have set up a login for yourself, scroll down until you find “VIA Survey of Character Strengths.” VIA stands for values in action, because our strengths reflect the values that we hold most important. There are 240 questions but don’t let that number worry you, it usually doesn’t take long to complete. When you are done, you will receive a list of 24 character strengths in the order of importance for YOU.
Your results can be used to reflect on what each of the strengths means to you, and how it may have developed and become as important as it is. You may gain insight from the ranking, or even be surprised that a particular one ranks higher than another. In general, taking the time to answer those questions and reflect on your strengths can help you know yourself just a little bit better, and perhaps even find ways to utilize those strengths more in your life.
Catherine Wilson, LifePaths Counseling
http://www.lifepathscounseling.com
http://www.littletonselfesteemcounseling.com
303-801-7878
When you are looking for a therapist you might wonder what the best questions are to ask to get an idea of what it will be like to work with this person, especially if you are starting a therapy/counseling relationship for the first time. Here are a few ideas for you:
What are your fees?
There is a wide range of fees for mental health support in the Littleton, Colorado area. Typically you will see fees from $60 a session to around $300. Keep in mind that this is partly based on the type of mental health professional you see and how much experience and education that person has. Providers with a master’s degree are usually at the lower end from $60 to $175, psychologists who would have a Ph.D. or Psy.D. will charge a little more and psychiatrists are at the top end. LifePaths charges $100 for a standard counseling session, and a little more if you wish to do EMDR with your therapist. (EMDR is a specialized type of therapy and you can find information about this at http://www.emdria.org.)
Do you take my insurance?
Not all counselors bill insurance companies directly. LifePaths doesn’t. The best way to find a counselor that takes your insurance is to look them up in the online directory on your insurance company website. You can also call around and ask the different professionals that you talk to. When we don’t bill your insurance company directly, we call it “private pay” and most of the time you can expect to pay at the time of your session.
You might wonder why someone would want to see a therapist and pay the entire cost themselves but it is common for either mental health services to not be covered, or sometimes people would rather keep their mental health support as private as possible.
Do you have a cancellation policy?
A cancellation policy designates what the counselor expects if you need to cancel your appointment. LifePaths’ policy is to expect at least 24 hours notice to cancel an appointment, or you will be charged for the session. There is more information about our policy in our New Client Packet, which you can find at http://www.lifepathscounseling.com/forms.html.
Do you have emergency coverage?
Therapists can provide emergency coverage in a variety of ways such as a separate emergency contact number, being on-call 24/7, having an answering service, and more. At LifePaths each counselor is on-call but if we are going to be unavailable for an extended period of time we will provide an alternate counselor to contact for when a client is in crisis. Always keep in mind that if you are having a mental health crisis or emergency and are unable to reach your counselor or an alternate person, you should call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room for assistance.
What can I expect from the first session, and how does a session typically go?
This question may be particularly important if you are going to a counselor for the first time. Sessions are typically 45-50 minutes long. Often a first session may be a little bit longer so that your therapist can gather enough information from you on not only what issues you are facing but also to take care of the intial paperwork and get to know you. Some therapists call this an intake session, or an initial assessment. Many therapists also work with you to set specific goals you have for your therapy, to be sure that he or she understands what you want to achieve and how quickly. The first session will give you a sense of how subsequent sessions will go as well with this particular therapist.
How would you describe your style as a therapist?
This question will also give you a sense of how sessions will go with a particular therapist. In addition, it will help you understand whether this therapist may be a good match for you personally, and be someone you can trust and work with. I will share my own style with you, as I think this will help you see what I mean by this question most clearly.
One aspect of my style is that I tend to take an indirect or collaborative approach in working with clients. More than anything else, this means that I avoid telling a client what to do. I consider it more important to support you and your decisions for yourself. I believe my clients have all the knowledge and intuitiveness within themselves to make their way through the challenges of life. Of course I will offer suggestions, ideas, and my impressions, but ultimately the therapy is for you. My role is to provide compassion, care, guidance and teaching among many other things, but certainly not to tell people how to live or impose my own judgments on them.
Another aspect of my style is that I do not focus a great deal on the past. Of course, the past provides us important information about ourselves and our relationships, and we can take this information to make better decisions in the present and future. I focus more on providing guidance on practical skills and exploring insights that will help you in the present and future. Perhaps the best way to sum up this part of my style is to say that I prefer to learn from the past, live fully in the present, and aim for a future filled with hope, purpose, and meaning.
Do you have a specialty or area of expertise?
Many counselors have an area they specialize in. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she only works with clients coping with that issue. For instance, my own specialty is working with survivors of domestic violence. I have a number of clients who are dealing with this but have also worked with clients on many, many other issues as well. It may be beneficial to you as a client to seek out a therapist who specializes in the issue you are currently facing.
How long have you been counseling?
This question of course will give you a sense of how much experience a therapist has. You can also expand this to ask about where the person obtained their degree, and what type of counseling experience he or she has. Each of the counselors at LifePaths has several years of experience working as a counselor, you can find more about each of us on our website at http://www.lifepathscounseling.com/about.htm.
Do you offer a free consultation?
Many counselors will offer some type of free consultation either over the phone or in person, and of varying lengths of time. At LifePaths, we will do one of two things: we will either speak with you for 15-30 minutes over the phone to discuss any questions you have, talk about the issue you are having, and determine whether it seems that you and your counselor are a good match. Or, we can set a date and time for your first session and at the halfway point of that session if it seems that you aren’t sure whether you’d like to continue we can stop then and you will not be charged. If it seems to be working well, we will continue and you will pay for the full session.
I hope that these ideas have helped you. Feel free to call or email to speak with me directly, or post a comment with your thoughts.
Catherine Wilson, MA LPC NCC, LifePaths Counseling
Many of us have tried multiple diets, plans, and suggestions trying to lose weight. They often work and we do lose some unwanted pounds, but before you know it the weight comes right back. Emotional eating might be the culprit behind this for you, as it is for a lot of people that experience the same thing. If you can figure out your own triggers and take steps to avoid emotional eating, you can get right to the root of the problem and help yourself keep those pounds off for good.
First of all, what do I mean by “emotional eating?” This means that instead of eating because you are hungry and your body needs nutritious food, you eat to soothe uncomfortable emotions such as boredom, anger, sadness, depression, or lonliness. These are only a few examples, but are the most common emotions that I have heard my clients and acquaintances say cause them to reach for chips, ice cream, a candy bar, or whatever is handy in the refrigerator or pantry.
Emotional eating can become a problem in managing your weight in a subtle way. There are two common reasons for this. One, a person doesn’t typically just start eating to soothe painful emotions on a given day. What happens is that you learn over time that you can feel better (temporarily!) if you eat when something is bothering you. Each time you were feeling stressed and a nice meal or your favorite snack made you feel happy for a while, this reinforced it. The second most common reason is that many of us have been socialized to look at food as something that is soothing, either through television and movies, or by growing up in a family in which food was part of the atmosphere when problems were solved. If you ever went to Grandma’s house for comfort after the family dog died and she made chocolate chip cookies to help you feel better, you know exactly what I mean.
After years of this these influences, picture yourself after a day at work in which your boss informed you that you have new responsibilities you will have to learn how to do without taking away any of the existing responsibilities you have, and you had a disagreement with a co-worker that didn’t end well. You arrive at home feeling tired, angry, worried you won’t have time to manage all your work, and wondering if the disagreement you had will change your relationship with your co-worker in a negative way. You grab a bag of pretzels to munch on while you think about what to have for dinner, and then notice there is only a little cheese left in its package so you finish that off, and a few chocolates from the bowl on the table taste good … and you can imagine that by now you already you feel better, and you haven’t even decided what to have for dinner.
Times of stress make us vulnerable. And each person’s pattern is different. You may eat more than you know you should at a meal, snack in between meals, discover that you’ve eaten an entire bag of chips while you were reading that novel, or something else. If any of this sounds familiar, then the tips to avoid emotional eating I’ve listed below can help.
1) The first step is to identify the type of events and emotions that trigger emotional eating for you. When you can identify the most common situations that lead to emotional eating, you are more aware so you can consciously decide not to let that situation lead to overeating and you can prepare and plan alternatives to emotional eating such as planning a week’s worth of menus or taking healthy snacks to work with you. A food diary may help you identify the events and emotions if you use the diary to record a brief summary of daily events, emotions, and be sure to write down everything you eat. After a few weeks, you are likely to see some patterns.
2) Are there underlying problems? Long standing emotional issues, past traumatic experiences, depression, losses, or other issues can sabotage the best intentions in managing your weight. Counseling can help by assisting you in coping with problems in a healthy way.
3) Take care of yourself. Of course, it is important to take care of the basics of eating healthy, getting some exercise, and getting enough sleep each night. But what I mean by taking care of yourself is more about self-care, or making sure you have some time to relax and do activities you enjoy. Every day. This is particularly important during times of stress, even though this is when you are least likely to have time for yourself.
If you are interested in reading more about emotional eating, a good reference is Geneen Roth’s Breaking Free From Emotional Eating. You can also visit our website specifically for weight management counseling at http://www.littletonweightlosscounseling.com.
lifepathscounseling 